Ask Guru Gobbo #02

Short answer, yes. Long answer, still yes, but more wordy. When a Waddle Dee was put in a boat or carried a spear in Dream Land 3, it was still a Waddle Dee. When Waddle Doo was brown and green and all sorts of colors in Adventure, it was still a Waddle Doo. When you get whatever Kirby is, paint it, and make it play dress up, it is and undeniably so the same thing, whatever that may be.

Don't worry, folks, I can translate for you: "Greetings. Who is your favorite detective on Law & Order: SVU? Mine is Munch. I really like putting just two periods down. A lot! Are you mocking me? Karate chop! You primate! What's this? * onomatopoeia * I just bit off my hand... And swallowing it made me sleepyyyaaawwwnnn What time is it? Well, you know? I got it! I've wasted everyone's time! Poyo!"

It might have shown, but I am not a fan of the whole "poyo" thing. Kirby can talk. He has talked, indirectly, in the games. It was a cute idea to have in the show, but, you know what? A silent protagonist only really works when the story is short or more action derived. When you get color commentary from some annoying brat and Spanish Meta Knight, it really kills it.

If you think this wasn't much of an answer, I'd say it wasn't much of a question.

Ah, yes, a true puzzle. The hands of Meta Knight are a trend that I've been following since I first adored and then turned on the masked pudge ball. One of the problems is that Meta Knight doesn't, or shouldn't, even have hands. This was the case back in the day, spanning back to his debut in Adventure. His covered flippers were just white balls. No fingers, no palm, just a bag on his arms like would be on his feet. As the series progressed, a hand began to form on his stubs, largely so that he could manipulate his weapon in the higher bit graphics.

Before Super Star, the masked knight only had floating balls at his side, a la Poppy Bros. Sr. When 16 bit Super Star needed to represent him, his nubs grew longer and thinner, more like arms. This is also where definition emerged in his gloves. They were just spheres but now had a groove in them, something where his blade's handle could be held. As time went on, this grew into a thumb and broad flap like would be seen in mittens. This is very visible in screen shots of Super Smash Bros. Brawl. The televised series took this to further levels, probably inspiring the Brawl form. Not only were his stubs more stretched than ever but ridges for defined, separated digits are discernable through his gloves.

So, how is it that he has gloves that stay on nubs that, by all right, do not have any fingers on them? Its the same way Kirby holds onto a Hammer or Parasol. Invisible fingers. Now, I'm not proposing that his has some sort of Pastafarian protrusions on his arms, just that the same manner of physics is used. It doesn't make sense, it shouldn't happen, but that's how things work in Dream Land. If you don't believe me, ask the giant, blue walrus man missing the rear flap on his suspenders.

Mike is suppose to be the lack of vocal talent that Kirby displays. His singing is pitch, off key, and amplified greatly. This is so bad that it causes actually pain to foes. Now, in a game, inflicting damage means killing and thus ridding of the foe, having it burst into an array of stars. The show, adopting and expanding on the game mechanics, just pushed it further over the top. His crooked crooning is so wretched, it actually becomes a destructive force to more than just ears. Certain vocal frequencies do have the ability to shatter glass, so with Kirby's knack for excess, it isn't that far of a stretch. Really bad singing is a dreadful fright. Just watch the try-outs on American Idol if you have no soul.

Project R.A.I.N.B.O.W. is an initiative to rejuvenate interest in the waning community at Rainbow Resort that was masterminded by Disaster Kirby. It involves a series of seven new or renewed site features, each one correlating to a letter in "rainbow", whether or not it actually makes a good on the acronym. In fact, this very section is part of P.R.A.I.N.B.O.W. That's what the cool kids call it.

Food is a mystery on Pop Star. It floats in the air, can be found in chests, and can be made by stewing Waddle Dees as the Cook Ability has shown us. The one thing that is never shown, outside of Cook, who is making this food. With the knack for gluttony and sloth that the average Dream Lander has, with their midday nap and snack times being the ones we know of, I can't imagine any of them taking the time to actually prepare a meal or baked good. You'd think they would just eat the batter or raw meat.

Can you tell I'm stalling? Truth be told, that information is never given. The scene starts, in game and in story, with Kirby preparing to dine on the tasty snack. Given his homeland, it was probably plucked from a cake garden. It's about as believable as him getting it from the groceries, and, in my opinion, a lot more awesome.

While The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny did bring together the greatest of the greatest, I do not believe Kirby would have fit in. Most any and all participants in that battle royal were humanoid in some fashion, and at least human sized. The sole exception to this, by the lyrics to my memory, would be Jambi the Genie who was just a head. Kirby, now, is not even the size of a basket ball. It would have been keen if he had appeared, but for the furious fight fest, I feel it was better without him. Of course, the war did involve everyone, as indirectly inferred, so he could have been there after all.

The television series really ruined a good thing. The game series set up a perfect rivalry between the two. You could not tell Meta Knight's true intentions as he was dishing out lollipops on moment and then sicking his weapon wielding goons the next. The television series changed this to Meta Knight being more of a mentor due to his popularity. What you have to remember is that the show and the games are wholly different worlds, different characters, and different plots. They may bear the same names, looks, and underlying concepts, but the two play out in separate ways.

The untitled Kirby Game Cube game, now the untitled Kirby Wii game, has seen a great deal of delays. It was unveiled at E3 2005, and now the '08 flavor is coming out. The title has a scheduled release of 2008 in Japan, but this was at the start of the year. It has been moved in the past and nothing has happened until now to make it more believable. Hopefully, E3 2008 will tell us what all Kirby fans have been wanting to hear for these past three years: a definite release.