Here we go...it's been two months since the last one, but to make it up, here's the longest chapter yet. This took me so long to work on and this is my least favorite part of the game but this is probably my favorite chapter so far. Enjoy!Chapter 13 - Close Encounters of the Third Kind
When we last left our heroes, they were about to venture down into the mines!
Revor: "i have sunstroke"
Magi: "it's thirty feet from the house to here how does this happen"
Oh no! Our heroes call to action to exterminate some moles!
Magi: "yeah alright, this part shouldn't be too bad..."
BEGIN MOLECOUNTMOLES REMAINING: 5
Revor: "oh look it's a friendly little snake!"
Revor: "aww, i think he just wants a friend guys. you know, we've been really mean to all kinds of animals on our quest so far, i think we should give this little scamp a break."
Aso: "we've only been mean to animals because they've tried to constantly kill us. pretty sure this dude here is no different."
Revor: "let's at least give him a chance..."
Revor: "ow it's crushing my skeleton"
Aso: "see all animals in this game are crazy killbots"
Magi: "yeah dude listen to aso she's got mind powers or some @$#^"
Aso: "we all do dude"
Magi: "third strongest? i didn't know moles instinctively tier themselves"
Revor: "shouldn't we start with the weakest first!"
Aso: "revor, if we take out the third strongest then the weaker two will cower before us, knowing they must be weaker than us! cut out some of the work!"
Revor: "yeah okay!! that makes sense!"
Aso: "third strongest? pff, magi and i took out a mole way tougher than these guys."
Magi: "what do you mean tougher we paralyzed it and it collapsed."
Aso: "don't worry i got this"
Aso: "ow it's crushing my skeleton"
Aso is slain!
Aso: "THANKS FOR THE UPDATE NARRATOR"
Magi: "haha what would you guys do without me."
Aso: "not be on this quest you insufferable turd golem."
Magi: "the dead can't talk, aso"MOLES REMAINING: 4
Revor: "guys this snake just bit right into my jugular i think i have a serious problem."
Magi: "shut up"
After a short trip to the hospital, our heroes tackle the mines for a second go!
Magi: "okay uh i think i take back what i said earlier"
Revor: "nooo i wanted to sleep instead!!"
Magi: "seriously what is with these snakes. is it snakecon or something??"
Revor: "oh COME ON REALLY?"
Magi: "you're becoming a liability, revor."
Snake has been spotted!
Revor: "this will come in handy later..."
Magi: "please don't use that on a snake"
Revor: "...i wasn't gonna..."
Second mole has been spotted!
Magi: "okay if it's a stronger mole we gotta ramp up our offense. if it's a weaker one, we'll gloat about our victory and he will submit to faster than france."
Aso: "sounds like a plan"
Magi: "wait, what? was our intel compromised?"
Aso: "maybe some wires got crossed and these two moles were accidentally assigned the same number?"
Magi: "well whatever let's do this"
Magi: "well okay then"
Aso: *blows finger like the end of a gun*MOLES REMAINING: 3
Aso levels up from the encounter!
Aso: "yeah i'm awesome"
Magi: "well this is an interesting bunch"
Magi: "aso here you go why don't you just hang yourself right now"
Aso: "dude i carried that last mole battle!"
Magi: "uhhh hey remember when you died and i saved the day from the first mole"
Revor: "guys come on, let's stop fighting and get this done with..."
Revor: "AAAAAAA WHY DIDN'T I JUST HANG MYSELF"
HIT THE DECK EVERYONE!!
Magi: "didn't i used to be the narrator? when did that stop"
Shut up and keep getting eaten by snakes.
Magi: "are you okay man"
Magi: "she's probably giving dale a walk that mutant fleabag"
Third mole! Prepare for combat!!
Magi: "okay i think i'm starting to see a pattern here"
Aso: "i hate moles"
Revor: "that's cool i guess"
Aso: "yeah that was me that did that."
Magi: "whatever i'll just sit back and let you do all the work...while i sip on some brandy..."
Aso: "you have no alcohol and you know it"MOLES REMANING: 2
Aso: "yeah i'll probably never use this"
Magi: "okay guys i'm out of psychic power or whatever. we gotta go out and recover"
Aso: "i'm still good to go!! we shouldn't be held back because of you puny brain capacity"
Revor: "i'm always at 0 and i manage to get by"
Magi: "get by how? getting bit in the face over and over?"
Revor: "here you go"
Masters of combat
Revor: "UH GUYS I DON'T LIKE THIS LET'S GO PLEASE THESE DUCKS..MAN SOMETHING ABOUT THEM..."
Magi: "shut up"
Revor: "IT KEEPS HAPPENING"
Aso: "i told you man. i TOLD you about snakes!"
Magi: "!@#$% how did i get poisoned too?"
Aso: "whatever man we'll be fine"
Magi: "i'm out of power! i can't cure us we're gonna die"
Aso: "guys it's just poison it's not like poison ever killed anybody!"
Revor: "please i don't want to do this anymore..."
Aso: "i'll take care of this. just like i took care of those moles!"
Aso: "well !@#$%"
Magi's party has been slain!! What will become of our heroes now?!? Who will save the world!
Magi: "we come back you know"
Magi: "you guys are such a pain"
Aso: "this isn't fair why do only you get revived!"
Magi: "the game has obviously noticed my unflinching resolve in the face of danger and has acknowledged me as the most capable."
Aso: "you were the one who tried to run from the snake battle over and over."
Magi: "details, details"
Magi: "i can just spend the rest of the game beating up old ladies without you guys. i'm a one man wrecking machine!"
Aso: "why don't you go fight that taxi hot shot."
Magi: "some things in this life aren't meant to be trifled with."
Aso: "alright can't wait to die again."
Revor: "me next!"
Magi: "welp looks like we're out of cash. sorry about that buddy..."
Revor: "YOU ARE THE WORST FRIENDS EVER"
Our heroes must find some cash to revive their fallen friend!
Magi: "okay this chapter is running a little long. let's cut to the chase, alright?"
Yeah that sounds good.
FOURTH MOLE: GO!
Magi: "hahahaha we get it you're all the third best let's get this over with"
Aso: "man these guys are easier than anything else here. how did they rise to power"
Revor: "probably through very unsavory things..."
Magi: "okay, this was the last one right?"MOLES REMAINING: 1
Magi: "WHAT WE'RE NOT DONE YET. THIS IS TAKING FOREVER"
Anyway, moving on...
Aso: "oh a present let's open it"
Magi: "no no no no no no no nononononononoNONONONONO"
Magi: "OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY NOW
Joshi: "Master thank you for freeing me from the cardboard and ribbon prison! I've waiting so long to reunite with you!"
Magi: "that's it! i'm done. i'm done with this quest. i am going back home right this instant!"
Joshi: "Oh, are we going home? Oh, joy of joys! I can finally live with my master free of danger for the rest of my days. I cannot wait to grow old with you, my liege..."
Revor: "oh boy it's joshi! everyone's favorite teddy bear!"
Magi: "everyone's favorite ALL-AROUND HORRIBLE THING"
Joshi: "Yes Aso! Show these ants what we're made of!!"
Aso: "thanks joshi! you're so much nicer than that jerk magi over there!"
Joshi: "Oh, come now! My master is one of the sweetest people there is! He can do no bad deed!"
Magi: "alright that's about enough of this"
Joshi: "Ugh...master...thank you for letting me serve you once again...BLEHHHHH" *death rattle*
Magi: "okay no more teddy bears, okay? like ever."
Aso: "wow it died in like two hits. !@#$%. who would even make these conksuck bears anyway. imigrants??..
Aso: "oh a present let's open it"
Magi: "what did i JUST !@#$% SAY"
Magi: "not funny"im the thrid storngest...4 reel...
Oh I guess we're fast fowarding through this.
Magi: "yeah we all kinda guessed this was gonna happen."
Aso: "you know this would have been really super useful at this whole section. thanks for giving me this at the end, game."MOLES REMAINING: 0
YOU ARE NOW THE THIRD STRONGEST OF ALL!
Aso: "wow what monster? we killed five of them YOU TOTALLY BETTER NOT STIFF US FOR ALL THAT WORK WE JUST DID. WHERE IS MY CASH REWARD."
Magi: "woah calm down psycho. let's go rest up first."
Revor: "i have sunstroke"
Magi: "wow something is terribly wrong with you"
Revor: "okay i guess i'll just never sleep ever."
Back to Fourside!
Magi: "you can't drive that on the highway"
Magi: "nope no treasure. just this extremely valuable diamond. guess i'll just give this garbage away."
Aso: "oh sweet day! now i can retire forever and not have to see you suckers ever again!! hahahah!!"
Magi: "looks like our inventory is full."
Aso: "GOD !@#$% THROW AWAY EVERYTHING WE HAVE INTO THE OCEAN RIGHT HERE"
the big man.....
HASS the rock
Aso: "now to retire."
Magi: "oh no you don't! it's payback time, @*^!#!"
Aso: "what are we doing"
Magi: "revenge."FLASHBACK TO CHAPTER 6...
Aso: "we should pay off their debt, it'll get us to Threed I HAVE A FEELING"
Magi: "what!! there's no way i'm giving mario and luigi here my 10k."
Aso: "if you don't do it i'm locking you in a room with Joshi"
Magi: "you make a convincing argument"
Joshi: "Yay! I'm helping!"
Aso: "oh, haha, yeah that. well, i did want the money but i just wanted to get out of that hellhole. dude, you don't even know. twoson is a bad place. like, really bad...
Magi: "i don't care. you will not get this diamond."
Revor: "h-how bad...?"
Aso: "NO NO NO PLEASE DON'T DO THIS"
Magi: "hey aso remember that time i freed you and BOOM THERE WAS JOSHI. remember when you opened that trash can and BAM JOSHI. remember the present? BIMP! JOSHI."
Aso: "i'll never get a teddy bear again just don't give away my money!!"
Magi: "there's nothing like sweet, sweet revenge."
Revor: "so...how bad is twoson? like, are we talking detroit bad?"
SUDDENLY, A PARADE OF SILLINESS RUSHES THROUGH THE DOOR
Aso: "go to hell"
Revor: "does he want us to wet our pants? that's kinda creepy..."
I think your bus is illegally parked.
Magi: "well that's over. what do we do now."
Aso: "who cares! whatever the leader wants to !@#$% do i guess!"
Magi: "oh calm down now, let's call it even. i'm feeling especially generous today..so i'll treat you to some lunch."
Magi: "see look! the department store is back up we can go to the food court and i'll buy you whatever you want how about that"
Aso: "my clairvoyance is acting up again and is telling me that going in there is a bad idea"
Magi: "what? how could anything bad possibly happen."
Magi: "i promise you that nothing bad is going to happen to you in here, or i'll eat my hat!"Next time:
Chapter 14: In Which Magi Eats His Hat