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A big thanks to Diddgery for providing artwork for this one!
Chapter 14: In Which Magi Eats His Hat
Magi: "can we think of a better title"
Well, if you insist...
Chapter 14: Magi Complains A Lot
Magi: "that's EVERY chapter. goddamn"
I think it's a fine day for shopping!
Magi: "if i have learned one thing this entire game, it's do not trust mice"
Revor: "we should take some money out."
Magi: "i haven't called my dad in a while...let's see if he put any money in my account."
Magi: "..."
Aso: "so? did he give you any money??"
Magi: "...oh, well, just a few bucks..."
Aso: "hey, how much did you just take out????"
Magi: "like...just 100 bucks! that should...cover lunch right...?"
Revor: "magi you seem to be sweating an awful lot."
Magi: "woah! escalators. technology is truly amazing."
Revor: "i dunno it looks like regular ol' steps to me"
Magi: "they are obviously moving. can't you tell anything."
Aso: "wait what's this store??"
Revor: "my kind of place"
REVOR learned HYPER BEAM!
Magi: "jesus inflation has hit this place hard."
Yeah bro get your skate on B) Brought to you by Mountain Dew
Magi: "APE programmers? are they trying to create an army of robot apes to bring about the fall of man?"
Aso: "dark times are ahead of us.."
Aso: "that's a good point don't any of us have school?"
Magi: "it's summer you idiot!"
Aso: "oh right"
Revor: "what's summer"
Aso: "oh look a toy store. i'm going to buy something alright?"
Magi: "make it quick, i'm already bored of this place."
Joshi: "Master...I'm so moved! You would actually spend your hard-earned money on me...it brings me to tears!"
Magi: "okay. remember when i said we were even aso? yeah, forget that. we will never be even again."
Aso: "but he's so cute and cuddly! how can you resist his charms!"
Joshi: :3
Magi: "i live in an eternal nightmare."
Magi: "wow that must be a damn good frying pan."
Aso: "i thought you said you only had 100 bucks! you $%@hole, you've been bogarting all the money! YOU GAVE AWAY MY DIAMOND!"
Magi: "you bought joshi. that's a hundred times worse."
Joshi: "I'm a teddy bear!"
Magi: "this place sucked. it didn't even have an apple store!"
LIGHTSWITCH RAVE!!
Magi: "okay haha funny joke. you can stop now mall"
Revor: "magi!! aso was taken!!"
Magi: "well i'll be. that man makes quite a convincing gwaaaaaaaaagh!"
Revor: "oh no! this is terrible! we have to go save her!"
Magi: "do we really? i mean, she doesn't really bring anything to the team. you and me, revor. together we can form a new team. a new...action team!"
Magi: "time to pose at a team! (cause @$#^ just got real)"
NEW ACTION TEAM..
ASSEMBLE!
Magi: "woah wait a minute."
Magi: "WHY is joshi here. he was in aso's inventory, he should have gone with her."
Revor: "well...i bought a teddy bear too..."
Magi: "what"
Joshi: "Hi master! We have to go save Aso!"
Magi: "wha- ...how are there two Joshis simultaneously?"
Joshi: "Quick! We have to go save me from the fiend that took Aso and I!"
Magi: "what is this some kind of...
BEARADOX??
Revor: "let's go save aso"
Magi: "no"
Magi: "let's go to the olive garden or something"
Joshi: "Master! You have to go save Aso!!
Revor: "magi if you don't go save aso i will never stop buying joshis. i will buy 100 of them and mail them to your house."
Magi: "woah okay crazy calm down. no need to say things we can't take back."
Magi: "oh look a present"
Magi: "well at least it wasn't another joshi"
Joshi: "Stand back! I will take care of this evil coffee cup!"
Revor: "are they just running out of ideas for enemies"
Magi: "WOW OKAY APPARENTLY WHOEVER POURED THIS CUP LIKES TO DRINK LAVA INSTEAD"
Revor: "my skin is melting"
Magi: "joshi you didn't help AT ALL."
Joshi: "Master I'm burned down to the fluff...I don't think I can last much longer."
Magi: "then it was all worth it"
The guitar plays the song "Ode to Joshi"
Joshi was a teddy bear
Made of love and dreams and stuff
But Magi never loved him
Now he's a pile of fluff...
GUITAR SOLO
Magi: "whew those battles really took it out of me. time for a snack!"
Revor: "...uhhh"
Revor: "this is an abuse of the PA system."
Magi: "i find it stranger that everyone in the store suddenly vanished when the lights went out."
Magi: "well this looks promising"
Revor: "there goes my skin"
Magi: "don't worry dude i'll save you."
Magi: "too late i guess"
Revor: "you know i'm getting real sick of dying."
Cutting to the chase, our heroes come back and make it to the fourth floor!
Magi: "smooth sailing, right?"
Magi: "aw !@#$%"
Magi: "oh good! it's the manager. i've got some harsh words for him."
Revor: "i'm glad they've got hiring programs for horrible abberant hellspawn"
Magi: "excuse me i would like to make a complaint. my friend was kidnapped and your store is trying to kill us."
Revor: "something seems off!!"
Magi: "sir i'm not sure i appreciate the death threats. let's please be civil about this."
Magi: "i was only deluding myself"
Revor: "not a problem, i've been saving this one!"
Revor: "take that! this is a victory for SCIENCE!"
Magi: "oh man that's fantastic you just need to fill your inventory with those."
Revor: "umm things usually die instantly with those."
Magi: "damnit revor"
Revor: "what's that i can't hear you i'm frozen solid"
Magi: "that's a dick move, spook!!"
And so the battle between the duo of Magi and Revor vs. the manager of the dept. store who really needs to work on his customer service, our heroes scrape through to the end with their tactical knowledge, and a few close calls!
Magi: "aso is not worth this"
Magi: "there's that giygas name again..."
Revor: "looks like aso's not even here!"
Magi: "welp she's lost forever"
Revor: "gwaaaaaarrrrrgh!!"
Magi: "oh look it's like NOTHING EVER HAPPENED"
Magi: "we got a junior detective right here"
Magi: "is this guy the mayor or something? i'm gonna let him know that his city is !@#$% wack"
Revor: "knowing our luck it's probably a horrible monster"
Magi: "bumpin' place"
Magi: "that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard"
Magi: "haha, wow, i must be hearing things! i could have sworn she said master pokey!"
Revor: "that sounded exactly like what she said"
Magi: "no, no, that couldn't be right"
Magi: "there's that name again! it must be a coincidence. there's gotta be other people named pokey in the world...right?
Revor: "i'm more worried about the machine gun"
Magi: "IT IS TAKING EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING TO CONTAIN THE INFINITE RAGE I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW."
Revor: "is your name really pig's butt???"
Magi: "THIS. THIS ISN'T EVEN REMOTELY FAIR. I'VE HAD TO WALK COUNTLESS MILES, BE ATTACKED BY THINGS THAT PEOPLE WOULD NOT BELIEVE EVEN IF I SHOWED THEM, BEEN CHEATED OUT OF AT LEAST A MILLION DOLLARS"
Revor: "please i don't like the caps lock...you're scaring me..."
Magi: "I'VE HAD NOTHING BUT MISERY AND @$#^ LUCK, AND POKEY, THE SCUM OF THE EARTH, DOES NOTHING EXCEPT ACCELERATE IN SIZE, AND HE'S A SUPER BILLIONAIRE"
Revor: "magi please stop..."
Magi: "STOP MANHANDLING ME YOU GOON"
Magi: "oh, we'll be back. and we will tear this building down and rain fire on this city"
Revor: "what's going on??? who was that guy??"
Magi: "UGH. that monotoli guy...i'm gonna rip him apart"
Revor: "well at least you're trying to save aso now...except for all the wrong reasons"
Revor: "how do you confuse the wall for the door??"
Magi: "see revor, it's like the bars in a clockwork orange"
Magi: "ugh this guy is lying. he's obviously lying to cover up the huge conspiracy that is going on here"
Revor: "i think you're getting carried away"
Magi: "no no dude it's like CSI..."
Revor: "i am 100% sure i didn't see a baseball stadium next to this cafe"
Magi: "oh my god it's a dead body! the plot thickens..."
Revor: "what is GOING ON HERE?"
Magi: "It looks like Everdred...
...is Everdead"
Magi: "taking bribes i see? well, i'll see to it that the local law enforcement takes care of you!"
Revor: "soemthing tells me that they won't help at all"
Magi: "of course! the mani mani statue...that was controlling carpenter too! maybe...just maybe...it's controlling monotoli! that's why he hired that jerk pokey!"
Revor: "i don't know any of these people! someone please fill me in!"
Revor: "so a weird statue is really running this city?"
Magi: "looks like it...we gotta find that statue and destroy it! then monotoli will come to his senses and fire that jerk pokey!!"
Revor: "it's amazing how hate for a single person motivates you do save an entire city"
Magi: "incriminating evidence behind the counter? i knew that bartender was hiding something!"
Revor: "okay remember that! he said he'd only tell us once"
Revor: "...or not"
Magi: "profound"
And so the wild Everdred, in his last moments, goes out to sea to die alone...
Magi: "i won't miss him"
Magi: "looks like i found something"
Magi: "what's happening"
TRAINER is out of usable Pokemon! TRAINER whited out!
Next time:
nooM eht fo ediS kraD :51 retpahC
_________________
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September 17, 2007. Support our troops !!!!4 YEARS!!!!
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