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 Post subject: Good News I Think Maybe
PostPosted: January 28th, 2022, 5:28 am 
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Great Ace A_mystery
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Joined: February 1st, 2016, 8:10 pm
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Favorite Kirby Game: Kirby's Dream Land 3
Location: I have a love-hate relationship with Kirby. lol
I’m FINALLY trying therapy again.

Long story short: Tried it in 2017. Didn’t work out. Then insurance erased my ability to go to that therapist. Years pass. I’m clearly still unstable. I start taking a medicine (I forget when I started. August 2020?) because my mom thinks I should. I take it. I’m still a monster, especially when I’m on my period. I tell mom that I don’t think it’s working. Mom says that she thinks it’s working and that I just don’t see the difference, even though it’s my body and mind and I should know best, but since mom has constantly spoiled me my whole life, I put my trust in her, and continue to take the medication. Eventually my mental issues get worse. It didn’t help that my mom often forgot about the medicine. I don’t feel motivated to take the medication in question and stop taking it over time. And FINALLY earlier this month I got mom to admit that, yes, it was all a freaking lie. The medication doesn’t *swear word*ing work. It has done nothing for me but cause delusions of potentially getting ‘fixed’. I had previously rejected it back in ~2017 because I didn’t believe in it, and turns out I was right this. Whole. Time. And now it’s getting to be even MORE frustrating because mom’s discussing how “maybe you just need to take another medication on TOP of that one”.

So for a while I’ve been wanting to try therapy again. It’s been years and things have vastly changed since 2017, for better or worse, so I wanted another go. I started telling mom about this in the fall. Mom says how insurance changes every year and we needed to wait until the new year. I wait. New year arrives. I tell mom again. She promises ‘this month’. There’s a lot of stalling much to my frustration and degrading mental health, but yesterday she finally did it. She got something. An online therapy thing. She said we set up a schedule ‘tomorrow’. And tomorrow’s today. I’m supposed to start next week. Of course, my parents rant about how I might not ‘give it a chance’. They say to ‘give it some time’. I ask how long some time is. Mom says a few months, Dad says up to a year.

So… if I go nearly every week for the next year and nothing has changed or worse, the therapy has had NEGATIVE impact, I’m going to deem myself ‘unfixable’ and give up. You ALL know what give up is a metaphor for. I’ve tried to have a positive outlook on life and become ‘nicer’ but I think bottling up my emotions and not being myself in order to not break rules and appear normal just makes my mental breakdowns worse.

Also, I don’t like blaming things on autism for obvious reasons (read: it’s petty and depressingly I can’t even relate to other autistic people) but it’s literally the only mental thing I’ve gotten a diagnosis for, and that was back when I was 5. I feel like there’s SOMETHING causing my severe trauma (perhaps multiple things) but getting a diagnosis would be difficult, especially in this day and age. So for the past few years my parents have been blaming everything on periods and ‘OCD’ despite me not even having a diagnosis for that.

Oh, and I’m not sure if there’s a connection to the mental health thing or not, but I’m not doing my best physically either. My eyesight supposedly sucks according to my family. I’m supposed to go to an eye doctor… at some point…

Yes, this is the SHORT version of the story. This isn’t even bringing up how I quit/left Discord earlier this month due to various reasons, or how the house basement has been undergoing renovations for months on end, or numerous other things. And I’m 99% sure I’m forgetting something I meant to bring up because I have an absolute GARBAGE memory.

I’m tired. Both physically and mentally. All I can say is, wish me luck with therapy.

(I also hope I don’t get banned from KRR just because I’m a little snarky or for my negative opinions or because of things I did outside of KRR. Then again, Mints has been gone for 4 months. Mints, if you see this, we miss you (well, I do!) and we would be happy to see you again!)

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PostPosted: January 29th, 2022, 12:05 am 
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Riding along in my motorbike... Female
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Favorite Kirby Game: Kirby Fighters 2
Location: Gamble Galaxy
I'm glad you were at least able to finally get a way to get therapy. Wishing you the best of luck with it, friend. ^^

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Space and time unfurling, a war between the sun and moon...


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PostPosted: January 29th, 2022, 12:11 am 
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Great Ace A_mystery
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Joined: February 1st, 2016, 8:10 pm
Posts: 1826
Favorite Kirby Game: Kirby's Dream Land 3
Location: I have a love-hate relationship with Kirby. lol
Thanks. I really hope this works because I’m clearly ‘not normal’ as indicated by how I struggle greatly to be a ‘proper’ person. My mom says ‘everyone’s weird’ but even my siblings aren’t like this so something’s very wrong with me.

My first therapy session is… this Tuesday, I think? I pray it goes well.

_________________
Remind me to put something here later...

If you’re ever feeling lonely, watch this video:
https://youtu.be/mie-3U3H3iY


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PostPosted: January 29th, 2022, 1:11 am 
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Riding along in my motorbike... Female
Riding along in my motorbike...
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Joined: January 29th, 2019, 8:58 pm
Posts: 5473
Favorite Kirby Game: Kirby Fighters 2
Location: Gamble Galaxy
I'll definitely keep you in my thoughts.

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Spiralling, ever whirling, a twirl to the hurdy-gurdy's tune...
Space and time unfurling, a war between the sun and moon...


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