Kirby's Rainbow Resort

Man it's been a while. This chapter is sort of short for such a long wait, but I hope I can make up for that because I think I've got some pretty good material this time about.

Chapter 5: Didgery Has A Temper-Tantrum At The Sunflower Elementary School


Today I will be visiting Sunflower Elementary school, simply because I've been pretty much everywhere else. Besides, I hope that I will be able to make contact with some humans there. Maybe I can find a way to explain my plight to a group of Japanese school children. They believe in talking hamsters that used to be people, right?

Anyways, I popped out of the hamster tunnels and wound up at the entrance to the school. The front doors were curiously unlocked and propped open, so all I really had to do was stroll on up a-


that is one big dog
i hope it is a friendly dog


STUPID DOG! YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK HAMSTER LANGUAGE! WHAT KIND OF FOOLISH BEAST ARE YOU

HOOGA BOOGA BOOGA


NO U


The green hamster, frustrated at my sass, forced me to do a hula dance while pretending to be some sort of hamster/Pikachu fusion.

Screw that. I'm going inside.


A mysterious purple scrap of paper fell from the sky as I went in. Did I miss a ticker tape parade? I hope not. It'd be cool to see what a hamster parade would be like. It'd probably be full of gumdrops and rainbows and sunshine. Or maybe they'd just stuff their faces with sunflower seeds.


Oh. I guess it was just a flyer.


Ham-Swap, eh? I wonder if they swap ham. I guess I'm gonna have to try to find them and find out.


HERE I GO


This guy looks really, really shady. You can just tell by how squinty his eyes are. I bet he's gonna try to sell me some Steroid-Qs or Chup-Ps.


Nope. I guess he's just trying to sell me music notes. Hm, this one is called "Hamtaro Time." That sounds... familiar...


If that makes you cry, I think that if you try to listen to some legitimately emotional and well-composed music your head will probably explode from the magnitude of how amazing the song is.

Bah, everything here is overpriced. I'm gonna go explore the other cabinet now.


HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OWN


...
holy crap i am FREAKING OUT

I didn't bother to wait for a rational explanation. I don't care if he's his brother, or if they are just of the same breed as hamster. I got out of there as fast as I could.


And then I ran into a wall. You know, this bulletin board is really, reaaaaly close to the ground for something in a school intended for human usage... and at the same time, it's just out of my reach. Maybe... maybe this sign was meant to be read by cats? Or perhaps.. gnomes? Maybe even... gnomecats? Bah, I'm just gonna go left.


Time to go up some stairs. This is going to be a long and grueling process.


About half-an-hour later, I made it to the stop of the staircase. It changed direction about halfway through, and then it changed direction again. I was forced to eat the majority of my sunflower seeds in order to keep up my strength. I almost ate "this" as well, but I decided not to because question marks are probably lethal. I have never been more exhausted in my life. Being a hamster is not at all what it was cracked out to be.. not that it was cracked out to be much to begin with, but you know what I mean.


At the top of the stairs, a red door stood in my way.

..Red... door...

...I'm having flashbacks. Something about green dinosaurs.. and a red door.. and beyond the door.. aaugh! It's grown gigantic! Gotta throw some eggs.. hrgh! Get back here stupid baby! STOP SCREAMING OKAY I'LL GET YOU IN A SECOND! HRGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

This door! It's a boss door! But.. but it's not opened! I have to find a way inside.


Here! Here is an open red door!


And this must be the boss!


"I WILL GET YOU EVIL BOSS!" I yelled at the top of lung.


As a prize for winning this battle, I got one (1) epilepsy(s).


...!!! A.. a computer!! I've been longing to find a computer ever since I first became a hamster. Now.. now I can finally contact my friends and family! Maybe that way they'd be able to come and find me, and I'd be able to go home. Sure, I'd still be a hamster, but at least I wouldn't have to put up with Boss and the rest of the Hamtards.


Come on.. please turn on...


Yes!! It's on!! Now.. um.. hm. Not even Internet Explorer... maybe this hamster icon is a browser. Or an email client, or.. or anything.


Yes! A browser! Odd homepage (i-is that me?), but.. wait..
The keyboard isn't connected to the computer.
...

DFJLSDFJSFSDLHDSFRJLGRSGNSHDSFASDGN
JSdf
dfjsdsd8faj;dfs;dfsafgharg

I HATE THIS PLACE
I HATE EVERYONE HERE
I HATE BEING A HAMSTER AND I HATE HAVING TO PUT UP WITH ALL THIS @$#^
I HATE YOU WHOEVER DID THIS TO ME
I HAAAAATE YOUUUUUUUUUUU
NGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaannrnrngngnhgng

. . .

Um.

I'm sorry. I, uh.. I kind of lost control there. I.. I think I.. chewed on some computer wires, and.. maybe I urinated on the keyboard..

I-I'm so ashamed. I'm just.. I-I'll continue, okay? Like nothing happened.


I met some hamster drinking tea from a tiny, tiny mug.


I don't care for tea, and I don't really enjoy the taste of flowers, so I'll pass.


Oh! This guy looks like important enough to be one of the Ham-Hams that Boss wants me to recruit. He just seems to be.. beating a wooden plank with a toy hammer.


I think that might be because we have NEVER MET BEFORE. EVER.


Yes. So what arbitrary task do you want me to accomplish before I drag you back to the clubhouse? Get some little nails? Maybe a bite-sized saw?


Oh. That was easy.


I used up the star I got from punching Oxnard in the gut so I could perform a super punch. It got me the TKO I needed to win the Major League Circuit. Yaaay!!


wait i just realized i have to go back down those stairs again
ffffffffffffff

I was forced to switch to Imageshack for the last few ones because Photobucket started acting weird.

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YES YES YES

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I'll beat you at your own game eventually Revor, once my thread becomes popular! (never)

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Magi's Great Earthbound Epic! Chapter 14 is out! Read it to spite Pokey!
| Magi's Livejournal | Magi on last.fm | Magi on Twitter |
September 17, 2007. Support our troops !!!!4 YEARS!!!!

I like yours Magi, but.. I guess it's easier to update mine since it doesn't take as long to play as EarthBound?

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Diddgery's has hamsters.

EarthBound does not have hamsters, to my recollection.

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Talking Hamsters, no less! With their own language!

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Yup Dat's Me !

Defeated, I walk away sullen.

_________________

Magi's Great Earthbound Epic! Chapter 14 is out! Read it to spite Pokey!
| Magi's Livejournal | Magi on last.fm | Magi on Twitter |
September 17, 2007. Support our troops !!!!4 YEARS!!!!

You should kill your oposition, Kira.
That's how stuff works. Make it look like an accident.

_________________
"Obviously you're not a golfer."

[right]dA account
Twitter account
Our time is now. Let us enjoy it to the fullest.
Trying to be more active. Let's see how that works out.[/right]

We've already established that if Magi were Kira I'd have been dead within seconds.

_________________

I'm trying to get back into the stride of regular updates. I'll try to do this maybe two times a week, maybe more.

Chapter 6-1: ICARUS FIGHTS MEDUSA ANGELS


I decided to return to Twinkle Sunflower Elementary School because I haven't explored all of it yet... hey, what's that?


Hmm.. if hamsters are about three or four inches tall... that's one tiny caterpillar... !


WHAT IS THIS

HOLY CRAP


Congratulations! Your CATERPIE evolved into METAPOD evolved into BUTTERFREE! In less than five seconds!

I'm.. beginning to wonder if I'm even still in the right dimension.


Oh, I also decided to spend some of my sunflower seeds. I wonder, are there a bunch of identical Boutiques that sell different items, or is there just one Boutique that sells items depending on which hole you took to enter?

Maybe I should ask th-


AWESOME
Now I can be Ness AND Paula at the same time! All I need now is a laser gun and a sword that probably belonged to royalty at some point, and I'll be the Chosen Four all rolled up into a single hamster!


Okay, I entered the school and went to the right. Because I went left last time, and I had to climb a flight of stairs and it took forever. This should take less time.


In the first door I saw, there was a sleeping hamster and a bluh-bunch of bananas.

..Again, I can't help but notice a few odd things. First off, these bananas are freakishly tiny. Second... why aren't there any humans in this school? It appears to be designed for hamsters, but scaled for humans. I'm just.. baffled.

Anyway.


The sleeping guy woke up and taught me how to... um... puff my cheeks out? I never really thought about storing anything in my cheeks. I mean, sure, I'm a hamster and I have cheek pouches now, but... that just seems kind of gross.

If you're wondering where I keep all my other stuff, it's all in my hyperspace carrying compartment. I'm not going to bother explaining where and when I obtained this thing, or how it works. Use your imagination.


Um. Clearly there are TWO bananas in this bunch.


I walked north... and suddenly, a hauntingly beautiful melody drifted down from high above. The sound of a lone guitar... this music seemed so familiar, and so calming. It's been a while since I really heard any music.. I honestly simply wanted to sit here and listen, but I knew that I couldn't dawdle. Otherwise I might get yelled at by Boss. And he's.. kind of scary when he yells.

Maybe I could find out who was playing the guitar. I think one of the Ham-Hams Boss wants me to find is a musician...


I spoke to the hamster blocking my way. She groaned and mumbled about me bringing her a flower. I assumed that she was dying, and that she wanted to die with a flower clutched betwixt her paws like you see in cartoons and stuff. A modest request. And when she died, I could just shove her corpse out of the way. Who said hamsters had to have respect for the dead? I'm pretty sure hamsters eat their own babies sometimes, so nobody should care about me pushing a dead one out of the way.

But.. where do I find a flower?


Then, I remembered! One of the locations I haven't been to yet was a garden... in the sky, apparently. I left the school and went through the now-familiar dirt tunnels that led to the garden.


whoaaaaaaa
did I end up in Greece?

..hey, what's that suspicious-looking hole over in the corner?


I think I've said this before, but I really wish I had a tiny shovel.


Whoa.. what IS this? Some kind of DHARMA station? Well, at least now I have a use for all those rocks.


Okay, let's see.. I had eleven rocks, and it weighs thirty-three grams... so that means that each rock must weigh three grams. That's.. eerily precise, considering I found each rock in a different location. But then again, they were all the same size... this is the fourth bizarre observation I've made today. What's really going on here?


Well, nowhere else to go but up.


After a long climb... wait, where am I now? Skyworld? Oh crap, I hope not. I'm not good at Kid Icarus.

...wait.. how do I get down?


in hindsight this was a terrible, terrible idea


After I fell to my death, I didn't die. But I was pretty shaken up by the fall. Well, I guess it's time to start looking for a flower. Or Ham-Hams.


Fifth bizarre observation of the day: hamster-sized monkey.


Well it is your lucky day, developmentally challenged simian.


Ow! N-no need to scream like that! What's your problem!?


Why can't you move now? I liked Ukiki better. He built a bridge for THIEF, you know. And what did you do? Stand in front of a pipe.

I decided that, while waiting, I'd explore to the south. I came upon a hedge maze that would only be difficult if you are viewing the world with a top-down perspective. Good thing I'm not doing that, huh?

At the end of the maze, I found...


M-Mama Hamskewitz? What are you doing here? And why are your children still speaking in unison?


Oh. A picnic.. in a garden in the sky. I guess.. that makes a little bit of sense. But, um, your children are really creeping me out. I'm.. I'm gonna.. go now.


I know what is going to happen here. If I step on the banana peel, I will slip and fall despite the fact that it's fresh and therefore not very slippery at all. But.. I still kind of want to do it. I've never done it before, and it might be fun.


OW MY RUMPUS
THAT WAS NOT FUN

Hm. Well, I guess I might as well go up the pipe.


I'm no Mario, but.. erm. I got stuck.


Something's gumming up the plumbing, Poor Luigi's in a bind!
Giant turtles out to get him, creepy crabs are right behind!


This one other way, I found a cat! I haven't seen a cat in a while.. It's, um, a pretty big cat. But there's no reason to be afraid of cats. I have two cats back at home, you know.


When I took a few steps towards the cat, it started mumbling about slithy toves that gyred and gimbled in the wabe. I understood the reference, but it was honestly quite unsettling so I backed off. I didn't want its vorpal claws to go snicker-snack and go galumphing off with my head.


Over in the corner there was a crying hamster that was blue. In more ways than one! I decided to try cheering it up.


I WON'T STOP DOING THIS UNTIL YOU CHEER UP
CHEER UP
BE HAPPY AGAIN

..it's not working. Meh. I'll just climb that tree.


You know, this reminds me. One time I climbed a tree when I was younger, and I got a twig stuck up my butt. True story.


At the top of the tree was what looked like a small pool surrounded by grass, all on top of the roof of a building. As I was climbing off of the tree, I saw an orange hamster talking to another hamster, and then walk off. I decided to ask the remaining one what this place was for.


The brute blushed, said "how embarrassing," and knocked me to the ground like I was some kind of.. knocked.. down.. thing. I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS.


TAKE THAT!


...Clearly this isn't going to work. Fine. I didn't want to talk to you anyways. You stink of elderberries.


Up north past him was a bar. I'm underage, but.. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try a little bit, right? I mean, a drop of wine would probably be enough to fill a hamster-sized wineglass, so..


They lied to me. It was actually a strawberry slushie.

No complaints here.


Hmm.. I bet if I go down this way, I'll find out what's blocking the pipes.


Oh, it was another hamster. How.. unsurprising.


...
Hamsters have doctors?
Anyways, this guy told me that he'd be able to go back to his.. hospital.. now. Weird. I decided that I'd explore a little bit more on the ground before trying to pay him a visit.


Along the way I found another Ham Boutique, and I bought a straw hat. Now I'm gonna be King of the Pirates!!


And over in this other section of the Sky Garden, these two hamsters were babbling about... "this," I guess. Wait.. wait a minute, I have a "this!" Maybe they'll give me something good for it.


okay i guess all i got was another worthless piece of junk that i didn't really want
Man, I'm gonna go see that doctor now. My feet still feel kind of sore from running around all over the place over the past few days.


sup Dr. Hotti. Could you take a look at my feet? I'm afraid I might be developing a few calluses, and I want to see if you can treat them so they don't get infected or something.


...You are by far the worst doctor I have ever met. You barely even LOOKED at me. It's sunny! EVERYONE's fur is gleaming right now! Even yours! And it doesn't help that you are blinding me with that mirror on your head!
You, you know what? I loathe you. I'm outta here.


Across this part of the pool, there's a little island, and on that island there's another orange hamster that looks exactly like that other hamster that, for whatever reason, always walks away from me every time I approach him. There's also a little log here. But I can't get across. Even though I know how to swim and could probably just jump across... Whatever. I guess I gotta make the water stop rushing.


Oh look. A plug for the statue that keeps spewing out water and subsequently causes it to rush. Too bad I can't just ask the guy behind the counter to pull the plug because he doesn't understand non-Ham-Chat.


I guess when it comes down to it, I'm gonna just have to do it myself. Maybe there's a way around up here.


Yes! A way through! Now I can pull the plug and..


A SNAKE A SNAKE! SNAAAAKE A SNAAAAKE OHHH IT'S A SNAAAAAAAKE

...

You know what? Screw Skyworld. It's nothing like I thought it would be. I can't find a flower, I can't get that orange guy to stop running away from me, and I haven't even seen the Grim Reaper do his stupid reaper dance! I'm leaving.


..Hm. Never been here before. I wonder what this place will be like...

TO BE CONTINUED

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ROFL. I'm immortalizing this.

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I'm f***ing tired of these f***ing snakes in this f***ing plane!!

_________________
"Obviously you're not a golfer."

[right]dA account
Twitter account
Our time is now. Let us enjoy it to the fullest.
Trying to be more active. Let's see how that works out.[/right]

Nice.

_________________

But wait a second.
Weren't you... Snake Eater?









SNAAKE
EATERR

_________________
"Obviously you're not a golfer."

[right]dA account
Twitter account
Our time is now. Let us enjoy it to the fullest.
Trying to be more active. Let's see how that works out.[/right]

Funny as always.



That snake's gonna give me nightmares.

_________________

Poking things with sticks solves all problems.

_________________

Magi's Great Earthbound Epic! Chapter 14 is out! Read it to spite Pokey!
| Magi's Livejournal | Magi on last.fm | Magi on Twitter |
September 17, 2007. Support our troops !!!!4 YEARS!!!!

This chapter is pretty long, and that's only because I have vowed to only end a chapter when I get another hamster to go back to the clubhouse. But since things are getting kind of difficult.. at most, I guess this chapter is going to be a three-parter. Anyways!

Chapter 6-2: Reckon 'Course!


So this is the Sunflower Market. Another location built for humans with a somewhat unsettling absence of humans. But I guess I'm starting to get used to being a hamster in a humanless human's world.


You know, every single time I see this guy, he seems to be slightly sicker. I guess he's devoted to his job as a Sun*Mart Greeter. He taught me how to put on a bandanna and hock cheap stuff. It's a done deal when you use dundeal!


W-whoa. Don't die on me, good hamaritan!


There's nothing I can do for him now. So let's get going into the market!


The first thing I laid eyes upon when I ventured into the market was... the posterior of a mega-q hamster stuck between these two cardboard boxes. You know what this means!


tee hee you are so fat

..after about fifteen minutes of this, I got bored and just pulled him out.


I couldn't really tell if he was relieved or unhappy that I pulled him out.. maybe his butt was still sore.


That.. that is not a ball. That is a strawberry.


He was pretty grateful for me pulling him out of there, so he taught me how to conceal myself inside of a box only to pop out and scare the bajeesus out of people. Now all I need to do is find a way to get the box to play "Pop! Goes the Weasel," and then I can make everyone think I'm some sort of horrible possessed hamster-in-the-box. It'll be great!


He gave me his really cool ball. I wanted to eat it, but I decided not to. Something was telling me it'd be useful later.. sort of like that cucumber way back when.

As I proceeded further into the market, I witnessed a country bumpkin/shady salesman engaged in a headbutt contest with a stereotypical intellectual complete with glasses and bowtie. I guess it wouldn't hurt to eavesdrop! And eavesdrop I did.



Well, it looks like Howdy and Dexter are arguing over who can get the best gift for Pashmina. I think she's the scarfgirl from a while ago. I guess they both are harboring a crush for her? ...Ew, hamster love. That's a scary thought.. they decided to make a contest out of it. Whoever gets her the best present... gets her the best present, I guess.


Just as soon as the two of them stormed off, I found myself shoved out of the way by a hamster wielding a camera. I.. I really hoped that she didn't have a southern accent.


Are... are you kidding me? This isn't much of a scoop. things like this happen all the time. It's not a big deal, really.


Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying.


Someone has trouble dealing with the truth, I see. The zany reporter admonished me for looking down on the "scoop of the century," and then she ran off, probably to photograph some random bystanders some more. What a weirdo.

I'm gonna go see where Dexter went. Maybe if I can tell one of them that Pashmina is back at the clubhouse, they'll give up this stupid contest and go back.


Whoa! Where am I? Slippy Slidey Ice World?

...Oh, wait. This is probably just a freezer. Aw, man. I was hoping to encounter some angry snowmen or maybe a yeti.


This friendly eskimo-Ham told me that I should put some clothes on. I.. I really wanted to hurt him. Can't he see that I am shivering?!


Instead of giving him my famous uppercut, I just demonstrated that yes, I am freezing my whiskers off. But since he is a prick he didn't even let me borrow his hat.


Oh, there's Dexter! He's, um... making an ice sculpture. Okay.

When I spoke with him, he told me all about his flaming hatred for Howdy and the love for Pashmina that stokes the embers of his heart. All those fire metaphors are really.. burning me up...


MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS O-
And then Dexter shoveled some ice cubes on my head and put out the flames of passion. Wonderful.


Ooh, a reconnaissance mission! This is going to be awesome! I ran off in search of Howdy.. but.. you know, sneakily.


Oh. Not HIM again. I'm not gonna talk to him. Instead, I'm just gonna walk over this way and..


Whoa! L-look out!!

*WHUMP*
*click*


W...WHAAAAAAAT?!
I did nothing of the sort! I just.. I just.. it was YOU who fell on ME!


...She ran off. Why do I have the feeling this will come back and haunt me later?


As I was investigating the produce section for clues on Howdy's whereabouts, I found what I can only assume is a b-ball court. I'm not one for slams and jams, but maybe my new hamster physique would allow me to dominate the court.

..Though, um, there's a severe lack of hoops.


Hiding in the strawberries was another hamster. He demonstrated his ability to bounce a strawberry on his face. Wonderful.


Strawberry SOCCER? I thought this was a court for strawb-ball! What about the slams? The jams?! I.. I don't know what to do anymore.


...No thanks. I'm outta here.


good lord he's following me. Just.. walk away slowly...


I can see him across the hallway.. just staring at me. Staring straight into my soul... This is really unsettling. I'm.. I'm gonna.. go over here.. now.


Oh, hey, a Ham Boutique! And they have a baseball cap! It's not the right color, but it'll have to do. Now all I need is a striped shirt!


I think this is one of those scanning doohickeys for cash registers. Maybe there's a clue up here?


Oh, it's Howdy! And he's rummaging through the cash register. That's.. that's thievery.


You suck.

Man, this is all getting me nowhere fast. I couldn't even find a flower. I'm leaving this place. But.. on the way out, I spotted a picture on the bulletin board. Of me. And the reporter.

..I have a bad feeling about this.


"While shopping, I ran into 'Ham A,' who suddenly told me how much he loved me! I mean, hearing smoochie made me feel sparklie, but this reporter must bring you the news. But do I choose my work or love? Work...? Love...? Well, this love-struck reporter is signing off! That's all the news for now."

..Oh she is SO DEAD.

TO BE CONTINUED

...So guys. Um. Now's time for feedback. Which place do you want me to go next? Here's the world map:

I'd rather you not say Sky Garden or Sunflower Market, since I was just there. And there's nothing at the Clubhouse for me. That leaves Sunflower Elementary, Acorn Shrine, the Ruins, and Sunflower Park.

..Geez, three places named Sunflower? That's silly.

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IN THE BOX

Aso beat me to it.

As for where to go to next, maybe the Acorn Shrine? Not sure.

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